hello, it's been a while since I put anything up here... haven't really felt like I had anything worth putting up... that tends to happen when I'm chemically depressed... funny how I can recognize it in hind sight. well first off I tried to move out, failed and nothing has really changed, just rearranged. and while I have a few girls who want me, and as nice as that might feel, I don't think any of them are really worth my focus, I think it's time to raise my standards... which is actually possible now I think, I've starting hanging out with a new friend... his name is jean-luc, I knew him from high school, but didn't really know him, but since we have so many mutual friends it was an eventuality that we hung out, and it's been awesome. oh and btw... he has some hot friends... we'll see where this leads... if I have seemed emotionally distant, there are reasons, the pain of love lost fades very slowly, I wont invest that much in any one... for a long time. some day life will align it's self to love till then the time isn't right.
Hello all, and Happy birthday dragon, I had your number on my phone... but my phone's broke, so this will have to do for now. for the record, I owe ya one.
as for me. I'm still working at Jewel and looking for more work. me and singleness have a on again off again relationship. and generally, I am happy with life. I miss my friends, though I have made several new ones. I'll never forget the ways all my friends impacted my life. for now though, I am Single and loving it. hope I can get out to see you all soon. with Love, Carl
Fri, Mar. 21st, 2008, 10:17 am
since we're slowly dieing here on lJ, im checking out new spots, like this one, I just set it up, let me know what you think of it.http://hawkeyeofelgin.blogdrive.com/
Sat, Feb. 23rd, 2008, 02:26 pm
Hey, I have my tax returns and I'm looking for a car, I have 700 dollars for sure, and would love if people could keep an eye out for cars with signs or such. I need to get my hands on a set of wheels, in other news Jessica's back in town from the army, which we are hoping to go to dekalb this tuesday. love you all and miss the hell out of the lot of ya, talk to you all soon for now, I need to rock out!
my official status is single once again, by the way, I learned an important lesson, breaks Don't work. but realy its ok, and for the best, its again being pushed in my face that I realy shouldn't be in a relationship, at least untill im comfortable with my self. CRAP, how am I supposed to do that when nothing works, im going away for ancient history, just for 5 days, but still im going away because I was a confused child. and I worked 2 jobs so that I can pay for damages to the Van, and my tax return is going tward a new car for me, and I don't give a crap who I have to short change to have that happon. IM going to do things for ME now, mr. nice guy is gone, IM going to school this summer, and im doing it for me, I want to move out, and I will, one way or another, I don't know maybe I'm just pissy right now, but these are the things I want, these are things for me.
tonight is my night, it belongs to me and no one else, it is for me, it is for the best, nothing will stop me from having fun, you can't bring me down, so if you want some of my sweet time come enjoy it, but don't expect me to do it for you, this is for me. going out to play, going out to party, I miss the days when no one mattered except me and my friends.
13 weeks can seem like an eternaty, and thats how long it's been since I wrote a blog here. I wonder now and then who thinks of me and wonders where I have run off to, the answer... now where... yet. I feel as though I have lost every thing that I want so that I can gain what I need, my wants can wait till a later date when my needs are finaly met, though every day that seems farther away, I have two days off to celebrate the new year... well from one job, I think only one day truely off... I wonder if it's realy worth it, but it's too late now. I am working two jobs, so soon the money will come easier, and the goals will come closer, yet the dreams feel as if thier drifting into the abyss, now all I want to do is settle down with some one who I can come home to. some one to care for, some one to care for me. there is only one girl in my eye now, no more confusion, for the first time I feel that I am sure, for four months we went out, and now we are on a break till life gets better for the two of us. we both are in hard points in life and it's just not the right time to worry about a relationship, though you all know me, relationships, and love come first for me. so of course this just makes it harder for me to push forward, yet, the momentum is there so I continue on, some times I feel mindless, as if I am on cruise control, going though my days just waiting for the day me and my love can be together again. I want this to last, she treats me better then any one else has ever in my life, and she is everything I want. I don't realy see my self as single, just taking some time off to get my life in order, something I should have done a long time ago.
may Peace and Love fill your lives,
I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had.
I wish they could adopt me.
I am not one of the lucky ones.
I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school.
It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised.
The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the woman who died when the EMT s stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love. I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I'm a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.
I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson"
---IF YOU BELIEVE THAT HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG... REPOST THIS---
1) Being gay is not natural. People always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Briteny Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans... ---
Re-post this if you believe in legalizing gay marriage
just an update mostly.
I just got home from my first date in a long... long time, she's realy pretty and kinda tall, not sure about my feelings on that, but yeah, we watched rush hour 3 which was pretty good, nothing big between us, sort of nervous around eachother... we're both not realy looking for a real relationship right now, so yeah, nothing expected, no disapointment. in case any one was wondering what ever happoned to my last girl friend, yeah, I've screwed up and landed back with my psycho ex... whom some of you might know, but yeah, this time was different, in which she was actualy sleeping with me, and said she was serious, well any who things got bad then things got worse, and we broke up. end of the trouble right? wrong, she's now 10 weeks along with my child, or at least im 75% sure its my child. so yeah, Carl now needs to grow up... and fast, I am not going to go back to her, no worries there, I was ready to never talk to her again, but now that there might be a kid involved... things are... different. she has a new boytoy, and I am trying to have some fun while I can, can any one blame me? I don't know if im going to try to play the field for a little bit or try to settle down with some one whos... stable, but yeah Im single right now and going on casual dates, but realy what I need right now is some one to hold me,
Carl's lonely and feeling hopeless, but I will come through, any who, I miss every one that im friends with on here, haven't seen very many of you for a long time. love you all.